Four days since I \nheard he was ill. Four days of knotting my stomach, of a disconnected \nhead and a pounding heart. Four days of measuring each breath I take, \nhoping only that he is still taking them too. Four days of dry mouthed \nfear and crawling skin. Four days, four days.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Four days since I \ngot the message that Lazarus was ill. Four days hoping, praying, \nwandering, waking in the night, sweating. Four days of indecision. Too \nfar away to do anything.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Four days of \nuncertainty: should I stay, should I go. Four days with my hands shaking\n and no will to eat. Each night I call for peace but there is no peace. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Now I stand outside,\n my cheeks wet, my body trembling, my head a void. Martha worries about \nthe smell. I am anxious about far more than that. Four days, four days.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
The stale air reaches my nostrils. I scream into the abyss. ‘Come out, my best friend, my Lazarus’.
<\/p>\n\n\n\n
JAL 29.03.2020<\/a> during the COVID 19 Pandemic, when the lectionary remembering was the Rising of Lazarus. <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" Four days since I heard he was ill. Four days of knotting my stomach, of a disconnected head and a pounding heart. Four days of measuring each breath I take, hoping only that he is still taking them too. Four days of dry mouthed fear and crawling skin. Four days, four days. Four days since … Continue reading “My best friend, my Lazarus”<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[54,28,33],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-169","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-grief","category-mental-health","category-remembered-bible"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/foowr.org.uk\/notesfrombambi\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/169","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/foowr.org.uk\/notesfrombambi\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/foowr.org.uk\/notesfrombambi\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/foowr.org.uk\/notesfrombambi\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/foowr.org.uk\/notesfrombambi\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=169"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/foowr.org.uk\/notesfrombambi\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/169\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":170,"href":"https:\/\/foowr.org.uk\/notesfrombambi\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/169\/revisions\/170"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/foowr.org.uk\/notesfrombambi\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=169"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/foowr.org.uk\/notesfrombambi\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=169"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/foowr.org.uk\/notesfrombambi\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=169"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}